Meeting an online friend safely: a first-meeting checklist

The checklist

Before: Video-call them in the app. Keep chatting in the app. Never send money. Tell a friend who, where and when, and send them a screenshot of the profile. Agree a check-in time. Charge your phone and plan your own way home.

During: Meet somewhere public. Watch your drink. Leave if anything feels off.

After: Send your friend your 'I'm fine' message. Switch off location sharing. Report the profile if they harassed or threatened you, asked for money, or weren't who they said they were.

Before you meet: check they're real

Grindr's own safety advice is to video-chat in the app before meeting whenever you can, and it's the simplest check there is. Someone who keeps finding reasons not to show their face on camera is telling you something. A video call tells you they look like their photos. It doesn't tell you they're safe, so keep the other steps too. Keep the conversation inside the app until you're comfortable, too. Scammers often push to move to email or another messaging app early, because it's harder to report them there. Any request for money or crypto is a red flag, especially in the first few conversations. And think twice before sending intimate photos. Anything you send can be passed on, and some scammers record what they're sent and then threaten to share it.

Before you meet: plan it

Meet somewhere public the first time, ideally a café or bar that's LGBTQ+-friendly. Before you go, tell a friend where you'll be and who you're meeting, and send them a screenshot of the person's profile. Grindr's advice on meeting in person goes further: share your location with that friend for the evening, then switch it off, and agree a time you'll check in. Some people also agree a codeword that means "I'm fine", and what the friend should do if they hear nothing. A check-in text can be as simple as: "Meeting Sam from Grindr at the café on King Street, 7pm. I'll text you by 9. If you don't hear from me, call me." Keep your phone charged. Sort out your own way home rather than relying on a lift. Watch your drink, and don't take anything you didn't see being made. If someone turns up with people you weren't expecting, don't go on anywhere private with them.

During: if it doesn't feel right, leave

You don't owe anyone the rest of the evening. If something feels off, say you've got to go and go. If it's awkward to get out, ask the bar staff for help, which they're used to.

After: take your time

If someone harassed or threatened you, asked for money, or wasn't who they said they were, report the profile in the app afterwards. It helps protect the next person. In the UK, if something did happen, Galop runs a free national helpline for LGBT+ people who've experienced abuse or violence on 0800 999 5428. In an emergency, call 999.

This is the part people find hardest when they've been lonely, because the first good conversation in weeks can feel like a lifeline. Try not to treat it like one. Reply at a normal pace, and don't send three paragraphs back to a one-line message. After one good chat, suggest meeting once rather than planning the whole week. Leave space for them to suggest things too. Interest that builds slowly is easier to be around than interest that arrives all at once, and the people worth knowing are usually in no hurry either.

Say what you're looking for

If you're after friends rather than a date or a hook-up, say so in your profile and early in the chat. It saves everyone a confusing evening, and how to make gay friends without dating goes into why it's worth being plain about it. Whatever you're there for, you can say no at any point, including after you've arrived. Anyone who pushes after you've said no has told you everything you need to know about them.